It is difficult to write when your mind is busy with so many other things. Sometimes I wonder if there is a way to consciously think about a topic and not be at a loss for words. However, each time I sit in front of the keyboard, I am thinking more than just the story: Are the details correct? Will people be offended? Am I expressing myself clear enough? Trying to stay true to oneself, yet feeling the need to compromise at the same time so as not to offend anyone is not just confusing, it is also debilitating.
On top of all that, I know that I need to write more, yet I am not. The rational part of me ‘know’ for a fact that the more I write, the more natural my style will sound. Should I force myself to write at least two articles, or stories, a day regardless of how I feel? What if I burned-out? If I do that, will I find the time to promote myself in blogs and social network sites? Where can I find ‘my’ readers? I have done everything that others advised, but I am still not getting the traffic I need: What am I doing wrong? How could I know so much, yet not get results?
I: You ask too much questions.
Me: Shouldn’t I be asking them?
I: Questions are good, but you must also learn to trust your destiny.
Me: My destiny feels like an illusion.
I: Everything you know is an illusion. None of the human ideals of beauty, wealth and success exist in nature.
Me: What about flowers, and the survival of the species? They use colors and scents to attract.
I: Which only exist for one reason, for procreation. Plants use flowers and fruits to tempt insects. Animals use elaborate appendages to parade their virility and strength. This will create a natural selection process which will then contribute to a healthy gene pool.
Me: How will that information help me?
I: If you doubt yourself to a point where you lose all sense of self, you will not stand out as a writer.
Me: Are you saying that my questions affect my selection process?
I: Yes, because questions that lead to self-doubt will weaken who you are. You must learn to trust your nature.
Me: How do I learn to trust?
I: Keep doing what you are doing, but without doubt.
Me: What if I am on the wrong path?
I: There is no wrong or right path. There is only ‘BEING’. You will fruit when it is time for you to fruit.
Me: But I have been at this for so long. I am going nowhere.
I: You can’t rush destiny. If you are meant to be a watermelon, then you will fruit in the same year you are planted. But if you are meant to be a rambutan tree, you will fruit much later.
Me: Why can’t I just be like everybody else?
I: Is that what you want to be? Like everybody else?
Me: You are right. I want to be different.
I: Then you must pay the price of being rejected over and over again, until you find a way to express yourself persuasively.
Me: Why can’t I just use my natural voice? The one I have been using all my life. Why must I relearn the process?
I: If you don’t learn how to write, how would you know what your options are?
Me: What do you mean?
I: If you only know how to paint with one stroke, then your painting will only have that one stroke. Is that what you want?
Me: Life is hard.
I: Life is an illusion.
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