Some of us had grown up in homes where we are not allowed to trumpet our own achievements. In fact, in the more conservative Nyonya families here in Sarawak, if a person praises your child for being smart, beautiful or talented, the correct respond is “Oh no, you are just being polite” or “That’s not true” and some parents will even go as far as to point out a ‘wrong’ in the child. It is rare to get a plain and simple ‘Thank you’ from these people who are descended from Malay and Chinese parentage. Since this was also the way I was raised, I have grown up into an adult who habitually puts myself down with bucket loads of criticism. My grandmother would have been proud.
Is there a way to outgrow this kind of upbringing? Well, I’m forty and I know what had happened in my past, I know how it has affected me, but I am still struggling to assert myself. I guess this kind of humility is okay to a point because it is a reminder to me that I am only human, and to hear another person speaks negatively of herself also reminds me that she is just as human as me. Yet amidst this apparently insecure Nyonya Culture, I can also see some of the most beautiful fusion art and taste the best fusion food around. How is that possible?
Could it be because all those put-downs has made the artisans want to continually improve themselves or could it be because of our mixed cultural background, where we ended up having a tendency to show-off the best of the two worlds we inherited. Nobody can really say how beauty comes about or where you can find it because painters like Vincent Van Gogh has proven that you can find it even in the worst living conditions and Mother Theresa saw it in every impoverished and dying face she met. Although not all who found their calling live happy lives, yet they were all successful.
Is there a way to recognize a successful person? They are very easy to spot actually since they will not stop talking about their passion. If she is into design, everything she looks at will be evaluated through a designer’s eyes; if she writes she will scrutinize billboards, flyers, newspapers and check for spelling, grammar and ideas; and if she is into sales, she will be watching how the waiters take orders, how the foods are presented and study the other customers. She cannot help it, for her passion has taken over her.
At times we come across our passion by accident, that is why if your life feels purposeless, try something new such as join a club, get involved in a community service or even do an unusual part-time job over the weekend and see where that will lead you. I have a friend who invited quite a few of us to her new home for a house warming some years back, and on that day she realized that she loves to cook. She has been testing and making dozens of new recipes since. “Burp”, and we all love her the more for it.
So how do you get to the level of perfection that will make you want to show your work? You can’t. You must show your work first. The reason is simple, you can’t produce perfect work because you don’t know how to do it, and to know how to do it you must get feedback. Everyone has a purpose in life: Some feed the hungry, some shelter the homeless and others educate the impoverished. In the World Wide Web there is another special group of people. They are those who believe in talented people who don’t believe in themselves. I have come across quite a number of these people, most of whom are fellow writers, who have helped me improve my craft. Just think how much love and effort these strangers give by reading my work, dissecting it and advising me on how to fix it. So if someone tells you why your work sucks and gives suggestions about how to improve it, don’t feel bad, because this person believes in you. And when you return the favor, and believe in another person who needs support, you will get double the encouragement and friendship that you offer.
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