She’s watching TV again, I thought as I opened the apartment door. How I hate the sound of sobbing and weeping that was even now blaring at full volume in the sitting room.
“Hi honey, how was your day?” I said.
She turned to me for just long enough to acknowledge my presence before turning back to the TV again. I went into the cramp kitchen, and again saw that the sink was full of dirty cups and plates. The smell of composting rubbish made me open the windows wide, and to tie shut the mouth of the garbage bag. There was nothing to eat, except for half a dozen dinner trays I bought from the supermarket a couple of days ago.
I heated one in the microwave, and while waiting for the ‘ping’, I washed the dishes in the sink. After dinner I took my shower and when I came out she was still in front of the TV.
I went to the spare bedroom which we had turned into a study and switched On my computer to check my e-mails. All I got were spams. Suddenly the chat messenger beeped. I received a chat request from someone called granny#1. Nothing was going on at home anyway, so I decided to respond to this stranger.
granny#1: Hello, how are you today?
PoeSoon: OK. Are you a real granny?
granny#1: Of course. I’m yours too.
PoeSoon: That’s nice.
This is turning into a very boring conversation, I thought to myself.
granny#1: What did you have for dinner?
PoeSoon: One of those TV foods. I think it was chicken.
granny#1: That’s not healthy.
Of course not, even I know that old lady, I thought but did not type it out. Maybe if I don’t respond, she will go away.
granny#1: Isn’t Darlene home?
I swallowed my breath: She knew us. Maybe it was just my sister.
PoeSoon: Mei Ling, this is not funny.
granny#1: I am not Mei Ling.
granny#1: Ah Ling logged out twenty minutes ago.
PoeSoon: Who is this then? Really?
granny#1: I told you. I am grandma.
PoeSoon: Stop kidding around.
PoeSoon: My grandmother died 3 years ago.
granny#1: Ah Soon, don’t you dare doubt me.
granny#1: I paid for your education in Singapore.
My fingers hovered over the keyboard, unsure what to say next. This granny#1 must be some kind of macabre prankster. After a while, I decided to play along, maybe I would find out who she really was.
PoeSoon: So, how’s life in Hell, granny?
granny#1: A little congested, but not too bad especially now.
PoeSoon: How so?
granny#1: We have a lot of new gadgets here, and most of them work very well.
Okay, I thought to myself, I seem to be getting somewhere.
PoeSoon: Which one is your favorite?
granny#1: This computer that you and Ah Ling sent me. It is very useful.
Goose bumps flared all over my body, ebbing and flowing across my skin, when I recalled that my sister and I had burned paper money and a paper computer for our grandmother in the previous month during the Hungry Ghost Festival. Then on realizing what a clever joke it was, I laughed. All my relatives were there that day, so this granny must be one of my cousins.
PoeSoon: What do you use the computer for?
granny#1: I read the news as well as the obituaries.
PoeSoon: Isn’t that a little morbid? Why don’t you look for jokes?
granny#1: Not at all. We get a lot of new people all the time. It is always good to learn about strangers.
PoeSoon: What else do you do with it?
granny#1: I tried to join the social network sites, but they don’t have Hell itemized in their country list.
granny#1: Do you think it’s ok to use my last address on Earth?
PoeSoon: Of course it is, granny.
granny#1: Oh that is good. I will tell all the others.
PoeSoon: Anything else, granny? I have to shower (I lied)
granny#1: Just a thought. Are you and Ah Ling going to get me a mobile phone this year?
PoeSoon: You have service over there?
granny#1: Of course. Earth’s broadband service reaches Hell now.
granny#1: How else do you think I can write to you like this.
granny#1: Get me model #1606.
PoeSoon: Is that a good model?
granny#1: Oh yes, Mr Fong got one from his daughter and he managed to call her once.
granny#1: But she changed her number after that, so now he can’t talk to her anymore.
PoeSoon: Poor Fong.
granny#1: Don’t worry.
granny#1: A good hacker died last night.
granny#1: He used to work for TELEKOM.
granny#1: He only charges 20 hell money for each number he finds.
PoeSoon: I’ll tell Ling about the phone.
granny#1: Thank you.
PoeSoon: Bye granny.
granny#1: Good night, Sunny Soon.
granny#1: I will tell Misery to leave Darlene alone tonight.
I must have stopped breathing when I saw ‘Sunny Soon’. My grandmother was the only one who called me that. I closed the chat box, and unsure of what I should do next, I stared at the screen.
Darlene’s voice broke into the silence, “Ah Soon, have you eaten yet?”
“Yes. I heated up a little something just now.”
“I am thinking of cooking a little noodles. Would you like some?”
“But the fridge is pretty empty. We don’t have anything to cook them with.”
“That’s alright. I will think of something.”
I smiled. It had been weeks since I had a proper conversation with her. “Let’s eat out. It will be nice.”
She smiled, “Yes, let’s eat out.”
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