We all aspire to be someone - doctor, teacher, parent or dancer. I am one of those "optimists" who believes that she can contribute to her life and to society by becoming a writer. A lot of work and sacrifices had gone into this dream, which is only fair since I believe that skill comes from practice.
However, over the years I learned that hard work and sacrifice alone is not enough. I still needed to stand out from the crowd, so after reading a handful of "how to network" articles, I joined a social network. But all too soon I found that it took too much of my time away from writing and I ended up working less and less on my website and more and more on getting attention. Not good.
Undoubtedly, there are other ways to get attention, writing competitions for example. At the very least, the experience will tell me how I compare to other writers. A very rational idea, don't you think. Yet it turned out to be a disaster for me both mentally and emotionally. A professional writer, Robert, advised me to capitalize on my failures by listing them up on this website, so here they are.
The first entry ever for me was a short story competition organised by On The Premise, which is a wonderful and extremely informative newsletter. After the entry I submitted flopped, I took another look, changed the title and restructured a few sentences here and there. Love Returns is not in its original form, but the plot and story flow remains the same. Maybe the story is too mild, or too common. Maybe it is boring or not convincing. Yet life must go on.
Then a few months later, I mustered the courage to send in another short story for the MPH writing competition whose result was announced last year. Another failure. I forwarded the story to my Cousin Patrick who promptly commented that Nine Months After was too big an issue to put into a short story. There were too many questions, too many how's and why's which led me to conclude that the scenario and plot was not convincing. Be warned though, the story is a lot more detailed than what I normally write for this website since it was written for a different audience.
Luckily enough, I wrote my entry for the third competition before the result came out from MPH. I sent in the script way before the cut-off date so I wouldn't loose my nerve at the last moment. Kakiseni was also not impressed with The New Boss, which was written in both English and Malay dialogue to reflect existing practice in most offices in Malaysia.
Does this mean I don't have what it takes to be a writer? Am I not creative enough, interesting enough to be associated with, or is this phase my baptism of fire? Even the two comments I wrote by e-mail to two separate columnists did not get replies - not even a "thank you for reading my column". I get rejected so many times and yet I could not find it in my heart to get out of writing just yet. I don't write blogs, I don't write news, but I love writing stories. I guess that, if I try to find ten things which are wrong with a story I can, and if I try to find ten other things that are right with it, I will too. It is just a matter of perspective.
Change my writing style? Change my subject? I don't know if that is even possible because my thought pattern is intertwined with my writing style, and my beliefs and interests are woven into my subjects. Maybe I will change, after I've swallowed and digested enough rejections, or maybe I will just kill off Snow Ears and President Fox, so I won't have a reason to write anymore.
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