It does not matter if you are a man or a woman, rich or poor, skilled or unskilled. It does not even matter which part of the globe you were born in. The fact is, a large majority of us judge ourselves based on how others judge us. In other words, we look to others for a validation of the value of our own existence.
Can we be blamed for being so malleable? The judgment and acceptance of others is very hard to ignore especially since our own success and happiness are dependent on it. We have been taught since young to seek for praise from others in the form of test grades, competitions and social interactions. This is not a bad thing because it establishes a standard which helps us find our way to what we want to achieve.
One way that we can be sculptured into an ideal writer, artist or designer etc., is to allow others to criticize us. Admittedly, everyone’s opinion does have its own value, however in my experience there are two kinds of criticism. One I call toxic criticism and the other I call compost criticism. Both of them stink but one will kill you while the other will help you grow to your full potential. They are very easy to tell apart because like what we see in nature, toxic waste destroys while compost grows. For example the comments “Your work sucks” vs. “Your style is boring because it is monotonous”. The first criticism doesn’t do anything for you other than tell you that the critic did not enjoy your work. The second criticism, on the other hand, gives you a clue as to why he/she did not enjoy your work. Monotony. Since the opposite of monotonous is variety, what he/she is saying is that you have to vary the style or technique you use to produce your vision.
Understand that you are unique, that you do play an important role in all parts of your life. You are needed by your family, your friends, your employer, your government and even by your pet. Your skill is something that you use to enrich the life of others. So it is important that you develop this skill because as you grow, your uniqueness and importance will grow. For that reason, it is important that you shield your individuality from toxic criticism, yet at the same time allow some compost criticism into your life.
We all have an inherent need to grow. We cannot help it. Some of us need to grow so badly that we give away things that we have created for free. Not because we are seeking validation but because if we don’t, we will break into a mass of self-doubt and self-condemnation.
So my advice to anyone who is reading this, is that if you feel a need to show your talents then by all means do it. Don’t be afraid of criticism. Ignore the bad ones and shift through the constructive ones. This is because if you don’t ‘stick out your neck’ you will never know how high you can potentially grow.
We cannot cut out criticism from our life if we want to be successful because not all of us are born protégés. Many of us gain our talents from hard work. Some gain theirs only after they manage to crawl out of a life of poverty and pain. Some lucky people are surprised by theirs. It is no accident that the path of our life eventually leads us to our heart because we cannot change our nature, no matter how much suffering, education and training we pour into it. A daisy will grow to be a daisy and a rose will grow to be a rose. Nobody can make one change to be the other. Is one even more valuable than another? I hope not, because I would hate to be the poor cow that has to find food in a pasture filled with rose bushes.
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