I popped a bag of buttered popcorn into the microwave oven then opened a can of coke before settling down in front of the TV. Three hundred channels: At least one of them should be showing something interesting.
I surfed between channels and found one reality show after another. The movie channels were no better, because there was nothing but a host of epic movies filled with characters with plastic faces. What a lousy evening in with myself. I should have put in some overtime at work, for it would have been more interesting transcribing the maintenance department’s meeting minutes. Or at the very least, I should have gone out with the girls for a drink.
I looked up with a start. The TV had been switched off. What the heck am I going to do with the stale popcorn and lukewarm coke, I wondered. I stared down at myself and saw that I was covered in a layer of grey dust. I stood up stiffly and walked about the room, puffing the dust up as I did so.
I looked out my shattered apartment window and saw streets and buildings covered in grey ash which was falling from an even greyer sky. Then I saw a man, I think, walked out from the store across the street. Another person picked himself up from the sidewalk, leaving a dark silhouette of himself on the ground. The world outside began to move as more ash covered people appeared, moving about aimlessly at first, but then they all began to shuffle in one direction.
I switched on a table lamp; nothing. I went to the TV and pressed the switch; nothing. I tried to open my mouth but found my lips stuck together and my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth.
Shuffling to the door was painful, for all my joints felt stiff and I could barely wrap my fingers to turn the knob. Yet I did it. I opened the door. A strange relief washed over me when I saw my neighbors in the same state as myself because it meant that this was not my fault. I didn’t do this, someone else did. We could all barely move and none of us could talk. Though it was dark, a strange blue almost green glow covered us and the floors. We followed the trail down the corridor to the staircase.
Walking down the steps was excruciating. It was all I could do to keep my balance. Once in a while, someone would slip and take down one or two other persons in front of them. Few, however, would get up again and continue the walk down. Though I felt I should, I did not offer to help anyone because no one else was helping anyone either.
There were more people in the street by the time we got out. Since I couldn’t ask questions or even give an opinion, I decided to follow the flow. The thick layer of dirt on everyone’s face made it difficult for me to read their expressions. Were they thinking and wondering too, like me? Or were they mindless and still in shock.
We walked for hours, none daring to stop. Now and then, I found myself dozing, yet I could not make myself stop and take a rest by the side of the road because I was terrified that I would wake up alone and surrounded by dead people.
So I kept walking towards what appears to be a ball of light at the edge of the horizon. My neck began to choke, my breathing grew heavy and my legs hurt beyond description. Still I wouldn’t stop, until a numbing pain in my belly made me double over. I crawled on all fours for ten, maybe twenty yards and finally curled myself into a ball by the side of the street. I knew enough not to lie on the road itself because I had seen so many being trampled down by the oncoming crowd.
Somewhere between the world of wake and slumber, I saw her. A lady white with frost and icy cold, as mesmerizing as a snowflake. Slowly it dawned on me –she was me. Then I began to wonder, if she was me then why am I still in this body, wheezing the last of my life away.
I spoke with my mind and asked, “Where will we go?”
“You are not going anywhere. You will stay. I will go.”
“But you are me. How is it possible to separate us?”
“I am your conscience. I separate from you just as easily as you ignored me.”
“What do you mean? When do I ignore you?”
“I reminded you to recycle your soda cans, but you couldn’t be bothered. I asked you to stand up for a colleague who you knew was being framed, but you did not care. I asked you to sign a petition demanding for better health care for the poor, but you call it a waste of time. I asked you to help a man to his feet at the staircase but you didn’t want to because no one else was helping anyone. You have always considered me your weak side. Because we have never been together while you live, we can never be together after you die.”
“But there must be a way for us to be together. You cannot leave me here all by myself.”
“We are like oil and water that had never emulsified, so we can never be together.” She gazed into my face a little sadly. “You have never needed me anyway, why would you need me now?”
I looked about me and watched aghast as others reached out to their conscience but were left behind. Then I saw others whose conscience shone gold and red, like warm winter fires. I asked, “What about those people? Why are they different?”
Her eyes watered and soon the tears froze into rivulets down her cheeks. “They are ones who have become one with their conscience.”
“What will happen to us?” I asked.
“I have failed us,” she said. “Because of that we will both suffer for all eternity.” She turned to go.
“Wait! At least tell me what has happened here.”
“The light that you were walking towards is the fire from one of the atomic bombs that had been set off. Some world leaders are born with dead consciences, and you elected one of them as your President. The argument that led to this started two days ago. Don’t worry. They are all safe in their nuclear bunkers.” A pause. “Goodbye.”
I watched her leave and lay back down on the ground. I didn’t know how long I was there, but I was there long enough to feel my body melt and mingle with the ash that continued to fall like snow.
I am still here, waiting for another chance.
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