Eat, eat, eat – was all that Clyde could think about as he stared out the kitchen window at rows and rows of vegetables growing in his backyard. With a start he realized that the day was growing late, so he turned back to the stove. His special garden’s stew of carrots, crab apples and squash was bubbling away happily. His pot pie was turning a darker yellow in the oven. A chime from his doorbell announced that his guests had arrived.
Clyde checked his reflection in the mirror as he walked past it to the front door. Gina and her roommate Judy stood on the front steps with a bottle of gin between them.
“Gin?” Clyde asked as he raised an eyebrow.
“I saw those gorgeous lemons growing in the corner of your garden this morning. I couldn’t resist,” Gina said with a flourish of her arms.
“I adore you,” Clyde said and kissed her cheeks on either side.
Judy offered a paper bag she had been hiding behind her. “Tada…, some more nutrition for your garden.”
Clyde gushed, “How wonderful. Thank you so much. It wasn’t too much trouble was it?”
“None at all. The bio hazard people didn’t even notice it gone.” As Clyde led them into the house and shut the door after them, she explained, “There was a bad accident just by the bend down your road. One of the victims had his arm amputated.”
“An arm? Wonderful,” Clyde said, “My pear tree will love it.” He swung the bag lightly between his fingers as he made his way through the kitchen and out into his backyard. Standing by the side of the wall under the kitchen window was a solar powered heavy duty grinder. He switched it on and emptied the bag into a wide funnel leading to two rows of teeth rotating in opposite directions. “Wow, looks pretty smashed up.”
“It was,” Judy said. “The bones in that arm were all crushed up like pulverized beads. It’s lucky he is still alive.”
Blood, flesh and bones began to ooze out of the nozzle into a steel bucket just under it. Once the last of the solids were out, Clyde hosed in some water into the still running machine. He explained, “Quick way to clean this baby up and add water to the bucket at the same time.”
“Very eco-friendly,” Gina said approvingly.
Finally Clyde switched off the machine, picked up the bucket and chucked its contents onto a mound of dirt and compost in the middle of the garden. Then they each picked up a shovel and began to agitate the heap, digging into the bottom and pouring back the contents onto the top.
After they were done, Judy walked over to the lemon tree and picked a handful of large lemons. Carefully she stepped over the stones encircling the tree because the soil under them were soft and mushy.
“Crazy people,” the neighbor called out. “It stinks back here. Can’t you all use regular fertilizer like everyone else?”
Clyde called back, “Why pay if you can have them for free, Mr Benton?”
The old man slammed his back door shut, inducing the girls into fits of giggles. Dinner was ready when they re-entered the house.
“I love coming here,” Gina gushed as Clyde took out three plates from the cabinet and began ladling each with a hearty serving of the stew. “I love your fruit trees, your vegetables and your compost heap.”
Clyde placed the plates in front of each seat then opened the oven and took out the golden brown pie. He laid it in the middle of the table and began cutting it into portions. “You can have your own, you know,” he said as he took his seat.
“But we live in an apartment,” Judy said.
“Container gardening, my darlings. All you need is a deep bucket, some soil, rocks and bits and pieces of bio matter.”
“Don’t you need to compost first?” Gina asked.
Clyde beamed. “Hell, no. My first pots were filled with pieces of my ex-girlfriend. The broccolis, cabbages and strawberries grew so well, I sold some to my neighbors.”
“Hear, hear,” Judy said and raised a glass of iced gin filled with pink lemon slices.
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